I am an addict. To what, doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I am trying for a new start. I was sober for 2 days. But have had the taste of the old life once more. Now I am trying for a new start again. I know I have failed myself. But I also know that I have the capability for a great comeback. And I am gonna do that. Don’t feel like writing any more.
This is my attempt to try to document my life. . I have a really bad memory. So when in future I will look back at my time, maybe these writings will help me a lot. It was quite an interesting day. Actually interesting is not the word to use. It should have been disappointing. But it wasn’t. And let me explain why.
I woke up at 5:30 am in the morning. It was really early. I was feeling still sleepy but it gave me an early start to the morning. I took walk. I was supposed to run but since I still had the pain because of the uric acid I decided to run. I went up to Nilkhet. When I came home I did my graph theory homework. I brushed my teeth but I didn’t take a bath. I found some really interesting news sites. Real news, World news and Alternate news. Among all of them I am really hopeful about Real news. I read one really interesting news today. Isreal is bombing Gaza because some natural gas has been found in the Gaza strip and Israel wants it because Israel is facing energy crisis. Interesting.
I had only one class today. It was graph theory. At first I really tried to concentrate. But I couldn’t. I guess I am out of practice.
Then I had graph lab. Since Moba and Erfan is not in my group they left. The thing about graph lab is that you have form a group. Since Amit and I are not on speaking terms anymore I was really nervous. I thought Sworna will form a group with some other girls and I will be left alone. I was kind of hoping Anjum will take me but I wasn’t even sure of that. Fortunately Sworna took me in her group. I am not sure whether it can be called a group or not since there is just the two of us. But still I am not alone and embarrassed. And that’s something.
That lab was really disappointing. Rezaul Karim Sir gave us a problem and left us. The problem was really simple. But I couldn’t understand the problem. When I did and when Sworna came with a solution, I just couldn’t wrap my head around it and said to her that her solution won’t work. So what happened was that we were the last ones to submit our solution. I wanted dig a grave and bury myself init for letting her and myself down. Thankfully, sir didn’t assess our answers in fact he said he wouldn’t assess our solution regularly. Whatever! I decided I won’t let myself be through that again. But that wasn’t the end my misery.
Distributed System lab started funnily. And new teacher named Zia came to our class and started taking our class. He was taking ‘Operating Systems’ lab. Some of us, especially me told him he can take since Mamun Sir kind of bunk our labs. But that was the end of it. At first I sat next to Anjum. That was fun. But then Sworna came and went up to her and started chatting with her. Then the lab started. And I being the smart ass started directing everyone how work with OpenMP. Then came the problem. It was a simple Matrix Multiplication problem. I couldn’t even remember how to do Matrix Multiplication in C. Oh, I just want to die right now. Then when I had to do it with threads, I just sat there like a dunderhead looking stupid. I was taking help from Behtarin and Sworna. But the real humiliation was when Amit came near us, Sworna asked him if he had finished. But the smug jackass that he is, he replied ‘I was finished long time ago’. Where the hell is the shovel when you need one to dig a grave. I thought I should just leave. But Mosaddek Sir, the awesome teacher that he is, didn’t review our code. I was saved the second time. Come Friday, I will study graph theory and OpenMP.
After the lab was fun. Me, Mubin, Sworna and Behtarin were having fun. I was showing off a little bit by saying the I have already finished with ‘Apriori Algorithm’. But it was okay. I don’t think anyone were bothered much. Then when they all left, I started working on ‘Educorp’. Nothing new. Just refining old code. All I also downloaded ‘Sopranos’. It’s not finished. But 20% is done. The speed was 750kb/s. It was great.
Mom picked me up at 7:00pm. I spent sometime with Khairul Bhai at the tea stall. When I came home, I called Erfan. I think we are drifting apart. But talking with him was really nice. I learned Chelsea Game is 1:00am tomorrow. Hopefully I will watch it. Then I watched porn and masturbated. Samin called. Said he will meet me tomorrow to give some papers of Nusrat for my mom to attest. Then I went to Real News I read an article about Russia.
The news confirmed something my mother had been saying to me a lot. And that is that Putin’s approval rating and Russian nationalism is on the rise. See Russia just said that it won’t import any food from US and EU in protest of there sanctions. It kind of works for them since now they will be able to grow food of there own which will boost there local agriculture and business sectors. I kind of like Putin and Russia right now. Not because he is a autocrat which I hate. But because he is kinking US and EU’s butt. Go on Putin.
I thought I will write only five sentences for each topic. But I couldn’t do that. But I am going there. And next time I will write in third person. Because that probably be more fun. That’s all for today folks. Thank you.
I have just had my first taste of great Japanese Animator Hayao Miyazaki. I have to say that the experience wasn’t even close to what I have had while watching Beauty and the Beast or The Lion King. Maybe I have grown up, maybe I lack the imagination, maybe I was too distracted today to concentrate on the story and visuals, maybe I lack the aesthetics to appreciate such great art, maybe I was too conscious when I was watching the movie that I am I watching great art that I never let it sink in. And I believe that is the I want to be affected by art. I want an emotional experience not a intellectual one when I am watching movies. So I am thinking of watching the movie again sometime later to fully appreciate it. But the movie is 2 hours long. So god help me.
Hi, I am Shamir Towsif. I am student of University of Dhaka. I live in Dhaka, Bangladesh with my mother. I am a fat slob who spends his time procrastinating and thinking how he is gonna rule the world when he grows up. Or when he grows more up. 🙂 Any way this is a new way to fire me up. I always wanted to be writer. Except I never was able to do any worthwhile writing. But I have a great hope for this project. Wish me luck. That’s all for today folks. Thank you very much.